Lost my glasses......

....my rose colored ones that it is! Lately it seems I just can't find my positive attitude anywhere. I have lost almost 30 pounds and 20 something inches on my new diet program and although I am happy I feel like I should be thrilled. Sadly it seems all I can see is not what I have done, but rather I have to do. I can't see the beauty of success through the years of fat and failure. I am so used to looking in the mirror for as short a tie as possible, just enough to do my hair or make-up. Standing in front of the mirror primping and prepping while checking out my features was a "hell no" for this girl. Kind of like men and shopping- in and out as fast possible getting what I need and back out with as few scars as possible. Well now I have tried to take some time and look and I can kind of see the improvement, but if I am honest with myself all I really see is what is left and I don't like what I see......still.

However, if I allow myself to continually wallow in regret, what if and negativity I will pull myself down and that is NOT what I need. I decided a while ago this was a change of not just body, but mind, spirit and attitude too! There is an amazing person inside and she is ready to come out. So with or without the rose colored glasses it is time to get a better perspective. When I started this blog I posted who I was as a chunky dunker and I posted what I like about me (a really short list.) It is time to revisit those.

This is me:

• I am almost 30 and weigh 307. I have succeeded at losing almost 44 pounds from the time I started this post.
• My body still aches, but I can do a lot more without being winded. 
• I can play the Wii Fit on the balance board. 
• Port-o-potty's and bathroom stalls are still small.
• I still have to shop in plus size stores, BUT wear a smaller size now. 
• Public seating, booths, rides and airplane seats are still a tight fit.
• I am able work hard and push myself to achieve my goals.
• I am able to encourage others and inspire them to reach their goals.
• I am funny and witty but I don't need it to protect me as often and it isn't all I have. 
• I have realized that I am big, but it doesn't mean I am worthless. (Although there are still days that is difficult to believe.)

Many of the things on my old list are still true, but I am learning they don't have to hold me back and they certainly don't have to define me. I can define me and when I look myself up in the dictionary I want to be defined as:  A beautiful woman inside and out with a passion for living and loving life to the fullest. Witty and smart with a fun personality. Courageous, strong, dependable and independent with a great sense of self worth from the inside out.

“He who gains a victory over other men is strong; but he who gains a victory over himself is all powerful.”

~ Lao Tzu~