Another for the list!

As you may know I have a running list of bathrooms both the good and the bad. (If you didn't, well you do now!)
I just can't help judging locations and there outhouse options and I fully confess that a place that skimps on the potty tends to get a fairly decent eye roll or two from me! Maybe it is a crappy things for me to do, but I just can't seem to help myself.

Anyway...

Just the other day I discovered a bathroom stall to add to the naughty list. I was in a desperate hurry and to make matters worse I was in need of the "right" stall. You know, the stall you hope to discreetly insult and depart from without your face being seen or at least to time your departure so you can pretend you are just as insulted by the one who would dare raise a stink in the potty room!

So I picked the one I thought was the "right" stall and and as I began to close the door and attempt to place my bag on the hook, too little too late  I discovered it was not a good stall at all! It was one of those "oops we need one more" kind of stalls. The one where things are kind of screwed into the wall scadywampus to make room for the toilet and you have to back in carefully trying not to take yourself out on the purse hook or toilet paper holder as you try to settle in to do your thing and where you skip the paper liner because the yoga pose required to reach it is not your current level of flexibility. Yep. It was one of "those" stalls.

Time (and bladder) putting the pressure on, I roll my eyes and navigate my way into position, tucked behind the metal garbage bin, partially resting on the toilet paper dispenser, nose to canvas with my purse with minimal damage done to myself or the stall. Hallelujah.

After I.... er...hem.....discreetly....and with frequent although well timed flushes if I do say so myself........complete business.......um.......and enjoy an almost intimate (as in if the  wall had lips we would have needed to go to dinner after) moment with the stall wall I make my escape.....witness free!

Needless to say that bathroom stall is SO on the list of uber unfriendly potties, particularly for the chunky dunker!

From the Mouth of Babes

Oh dear sweet, little children. These pint sized wonders always seem to pipe up in the most direct and honest way don't they? You ever want a direct answer to "do these pants make my butt look big?" then ask a child and you will know the answer, plus a few other things you didn't like "your arms look funny in that shirt too!"

As a mom I have had my fair share of moments where my children let words fly that simply mortify me as they have pointed out one flaw or another of a poor innocent bystander just trying to get errands done.

And I have also been the "innocent bystander" hit by the big, honest (and admittedly slightly hurtful, although unintentional) words of the micro truth tellers. How many times I have heard "why is she SO biiiiiiggg mama?" or "your arms are HUUUGE!" or "wow you are fat!" Talk about direct shot! And I have smiled, blushed and walked off my embarrassment, still smarting from the smack of truth to my ego.

Today, at work I came face to face with a sweet child and their direct, unfiltered commentary, "Wow, have you lost weight?"

Huh? Did she say something....positive?

"Well, yes I might have. I have been working hard."

(Big smile) "I think you have! When I first saw you I saw you were really big. You aren't so big now!"

"Aww! Thank you!"

"You're welcome!"

And off they went to enjoy their world of pint sized fun, while I sat there simply glowing!

I was told I looked like I lost weigh AND it was by a child. A CHILD, a little tell-you-like-it-is, child!

Yeah that totally made my day!

Thanks kid!

Just talkin' to myself!

As time has passed my thoughts have often come back to this little blog of mine, and although I would lay in bed for hours "writing" what I would say here, I just never returned to write. Not sure why, but I just....didn't. HOWEVER, time has passed, life has pushed forward and I have felt encouraged to write again....so here we go!

The past several months, maybe even year, have been a doozy! Life has rained, poured, hailed, monsoon-ed, hurricane-d and tidal waved my little world every which way. To say I found myself drowning would be an understatement.

Loss of job for my husband
Going to work for me
Ending homeschool and transitioning my kiddos to full time public school
Loss of three grandparents
Two dead cars- one finally repaired, but only thanks to generous loans as the repairs were significant
Looking at having to move into who knows what and narrowing my life down to who knows how little
And all the other odds and ends of ups, downs and sideways of life

Needless to say I found myself contemplating life A LOT. What is important? What am I capable of? What changes can be made? Where do I find a miracle? What is faith? What is hope? Can I get through this? Can I get my family through this?

One restless night I lay in bed, tossing, thinking, turning, tossing again...my mind was racing, my heart heavy and sad. It had been another long day with the family snipping at each other and the energy in the house humming low and negative. As I lay there, drained and tired of being drained and tired, my heart and soul reached out for relief. I began to pray and I began to, well....talk to myself. A little bit of a three-way conversation I guess! And in the midst of this conversation I decided it was time to be happy. I wanted to BE happy! And in that moment I had a heart to heart with myself.

As this was me talking to me you'll just have to go with it:

Me: I am tired of being sad and tired. My energy is so low and negative and it is time to stop.
Self: Mmhmm
Me: I think I can be happy. I think I can fix me from the inside out. I think it is time to allow myself to BE happy. To ACCEPT happiness and pride for my accomplishments and be who I am and not who I think I am supposed to be for everyone else.
Self: Mm-okay
Me: So we are doing something about this. Self, with God's help and guidance, we are going to set up an internal program to out the negative and get positive AND while we are at it we are setting an internal program to reach my weight loss goal too! Self, I can physically lose weight, right?
Self: Yes.
Me: And I can reach the weight goal I want to when I want to?
Self: Yes.
Me: And I can be a positive force to be reckoned with from the inside out?
Self: Yes.
Me: Ok! Let's do this then! (internal debate to wait till morning or start now......) Right now! No waiting because if I wait it won't happen! Right?
Self: Right! Ok, let's do it!
Me: I want to set up two programs right now. The first is to set everything in motion internally to reach y weight loss goal. I want to let go of all the negativity that is helping trap weight and not allowing me to be healthy for me. And as the negativity leaves I want the void filled with positive affirmations! I am allowed to be happy and healthy! I will reach my goal and I am worth it! Ok?
Self: Ok! Running!
Me: Next I want a program running that purges the negative energy and shields me from new outside negative energy. Can we do this?
Self: Yup.
Me: AWESOME! Ok, so set up the program to clear out the negative that is currently festering, put up shields to protect us from outside negativity AND if negativity begins to build from the inside like jealousy or irritation I want it cleared right away too! And I want all this negativity that is purged replaced with positive affirmations that I am a person of worth with talents and skills that I can be proud of! I am God's child and loved! And any other positivity that will renew my soul. Ok?
Self: Got it! Running that one too!
Me: And I want them ongoing! It is time for change and we are not stopping! Ok?
Self: Ok!

And since this little conversation in the middle of the night with myself and God things have felt and been better! Part of it is perspective and part is blessings in the form of human angels, but every step has been a happier one! I can feel a positivity that I haven't felt in a long time and it makes me so HAPPY to feel happy! And I feel assured that no only can I be who I am, but I can be proud of who I am too!

It is just the beginning....but what a new beginning it is.....

Breath in. Breath out. And believe!