Fitting in......

This weekend I was given the wonderful opportunity to see Eric Clapton in concert (thank you Louise!) and although I admit I wasn't completely familiar with his music I did know I was watching a legend and it was AMAZING (even for this music amateur) and I just can't help but share...

We arrived early and waited in line huddling closer together as the wind blew and chatting it up with those around us, my sister and I nodding enthusiastically (yet admittedly clueless lol) as some of the conversation covered topics and people we weren't familiar with thanks to the generation gap. Soon we got to file in and began to wander in the direction of our seats, loading up on a snack that cost more than it satisfied, chatting a little to kill time and then parting ways as two of us were in one section and the other two in another. My seats were in the upper level and so after eyeing the stairs for a moment decided the elevator looked appealing, and I justified it since we did have to walk to get to the building and we did walk around the whole arena in search of a coffee stand that didn't exist and I still had to walk back to the car eventually- so up we went. We found our section and headed up the stairs and found our seats in the almost middle of the row. So we climbed over those seated, excuse me....excuse me....sorry (all the while I am hoping I don't take anybody out with my butt) and sat down. Almost. I sat down firmly on both armrests. Oh no. I tried to squeeze in. Nope. I tried to lift an armrest. Nope. I tried to get one hip then the other. Nope. The tears began to form and I stood up- excuse me...excuse me....as I again climbed past everyone apologizing. I was so embarrassed I didn't even tell the person I was with what was going on. I escaped down the stairs, into the hall and behind a pillar and cried. I felt at the lowest of low and absolutely mortified. What was I going to tell my friends I was with? What was I going to do- stand in the hallway? Maybe I could walk around for two hours. I sent a text to my sister and another to my husband looking for help, comfort....something. And being amazing they both text back support and suggestions and love. After I composed myself I found an employee who said he was pretty sure they could help me out and pointed me in the right direction.The right direction was down two flights of stairs and back up one flight to a special ticket booth where I admitted with embarrassment I couldn't fit in my seat and asked if he could help. He said yes, but I needed to get the other person and their ticket so we could trade. So, back down one flight and up two (not quite so fast this time- pant....pant), around the arena and he isn't there. Aaauuuughhh! Back to the hallway- 5 minutes to showtime- and on the phone. He'll meet me. Great! Back down two flights, around the arena....pant...pant.....wait. He shows up! Up a flight, to the ticket booth and you can hear the opening band playing and the crowd cheering. We trade tickets...upper, upper level for FLOOR SEATS???!!?? Whoa! A perk to chunky dunking woo-hoo! (Thank you so much arena employee and ticket booth guy!) So back down a level, down another level, around the arena, down some more and WE MADE IT on the floor!! After letting my sister and her friend know what happened, where we were and taking some deserved razzing we got to enjoy an awesome concert! 

The awesomeness of the concert however did not stop the thoughts later on after we were home. I didn't fit in the seat. Not even close. Yes it is embarrassing, but even more it is very sad to me. Now it is true that those particular arena seats are pretty tight on most people- you can ask the other people that were there smaller than me- but that isn't reason enough for me to be justified in not letting this situation be a firm reminder that I do need to face this weight loss challenge head on and defeat it. This time things turned out ok, great actually, but what about next time? I don't want there to be a next time. Chunky dunking in a skinny dip world isn't easy and if I am honest with myself it shouldn't be. I don't need to feel worthless because I am fat, but I do need to own up to the fact that the human body, my human body, wasn't designed to be this big or this heavy and the world around me is designed to accommodate the average or "normal" sized human being and I just don't fit.........YET!!!

A note.."My weight loss challenge"

If you are interested in following my personal weight loss challenge I have started a blog about it and I am going to use the page I have here just for short update notes. If you are interested in following my weight loss challenge or checking out my goals the blog is I'm So Losing It and you can check it out here: http://imsolosingit.blogspot.com/
I would love to read feedback, support and suggestions as I take on this "big" challenge! 

Little Engine That Could.....

Have you ever read the book The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper? It is the story of a train that gets stranded and needs an engine to pull it up over the mountain and into the valley so the kids on the other side can have good foods to eat and toys to play with. The train is passed by a few engines who slow down but will not stop and help because they are too important or busy or old, until at last one little blue engine stops. And this little blue engine chugs up the hill "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can" until she reaches the top and starts to come over the other side "I thought I could! I thought I could! I thought I could!" and brings the train safely into the valley delivering the good food and toys for the children.

I am that stranded train and my attitude is the engine. My journey in life only does as well as the engine I am using and I must admit that my weight loss journey hasn't always used the best "engine." I have used the "grouchy engine"; too tired and frustrated to try with eyes that can only see how difficult it will be and all my failures laid out in my way making it apparent I shouldn't bother trying. I've used the "too busy engine"; so overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood and life I just "can't" make time. I've also tried the "too tired engine," the "I have other important things to do engine" and the "who cares" engine. Big surprise not a one of these attitude engines has been able to get me anywhere on my journey.

That little blue engine saw some thing the other engines that wouldn't help missed. She saw the value of those things on the train, she saw how important it was for the train to make it into the valley and because she saw that she KNEW she had to TRY! I can only imagine that the little blue engine was a bit nervous, maybe even scared. It was a BIG hill, a mountain, and it was a big train and she was just a little engine, but she found a belief in herself and trusted that- "I think I can." And she did try and she did succeed.

With my life journey I need a little blue engine- I need my attitude to be positive with a willingness to try because what is inside me is worth the effort. Yes this journey is scary and hard at times, not just trying to get healthy and lose weight, but life in general. I am facing quite the hill, my mountain, it is my time to go up and over and other side is the valley of being healthy. And there is only one attitude engine that will work- my little blue one that knows not only that I CAN do it but that I am worth trying for until I SUCCEED!

"I think I can! I think I can! I think I can......."