Seeking Inspiration

I have been feeling........introspective, almost like I really wish I were an artsy person so I could go to an art showing and ask myself "how does that piece make you feel?" Honestly, I would feel silly in an art show because although I do love some art I am definitely NOT an artsy person, not in the Hollywood, stereotypical way anyway. And, no matter how hard I may try (because I like to be nice) I seem to be "art deaf", or it doesn't like me, because it just doesn't speak to me.

Art aside, I have been in search of inspiration! My sister, because she loves me, has given me a challenge to help me in my weight loss goals and part of it requires me to find inspiration and face my fears. Wow that is two biggies all in one challenge. However, it really does make a lot of sense, and here my dad can be thrilled to know that his hours of helping with math did get through at least a little, because a positive cancels a negative. (Well at least if you add an equal amount of negative and positive you get zero- see I was listening dad.) So whether she meant to or not my sisters challenge is giving me the chance to "clean my slate" and cancel the negatives that have taken over with the positive motivation and inspiration.

So, again, I am in search of inspiration and this is what I have found:

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own.
And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.”

~Dr. Seuss~

You gotta love Dr. Seuss! These words really are so true and if you follow my other blog you will know that I posted this as my inspiration for this week. I am at a decision point and I have all the tools to take whatever path I choose. As a chunky dunker I have more "diet, get healthy, lose weight" info floating around in my head than you can imagine. It isn't about knowledge. It isn't about ability. It is about choice.

I am afraid of failing, of not being able to actually move forward on my diet and succeed. Dr. Seuss has reminded me that that is a false belief. I know what I know and it is time to decide where I will go!

"Hello I'm Kettle!"

Yesterday my children, delightfully and with all the exuberance of small children, woke me up after my whole 4 1/2 hours of sleep to lovingly remind me they wanted to go to church. I, of course, "happily" rolled out of bed and got ready. Even though it was THEIR idea to get up and go the children of course began to stall in the getting ready process, their child minds not liking the idea of having to wear socks with their shoes or needing to brush their hair, and I began to feel very frustrated. Amidst this getting ready process my daughter comes out in her dress, adorned with her play jewelry and her play makeup ( a beautiful bright pink) very artfully applied.

I sighed and said "Go take off the make up."
"But why Mommy."
"Because I said so and you can't wear your make up like that."
"But I'm all dressed up."
"Just go take some off then. You can't go like that."
"But mommy I need it!"
"No you don't. No please go!"
"But, Mommy I want to look beautiful and I need make up to look beautiful."
I think I actually heard the screeching of brakes somewhere in the time and space.
"What?"
"I want to be beautiful Mommy. I'm not beautiful without my make up on."

Hadn't I taught my little girl that she is beautiful because of who she is and not what she wears? Hadn't I told her she was pretty just the way she was? I had. But, it didn't matter. Why? Because it is hard to believe that we are good enough just as we are. We hear it again and again and again, but it is a tough lesson to believe.

I stopped and gathered her up and looked straight in her eyes and I reminded her again " No my love, you ARE beautiful. You are beautiful on the inside and the outside and just the way you are! And I love you. I know you want to feel special today, so if you go clean up your face I will help you put on some of my make up and we will show off what you already have by using just a little. Ok?"
"OK!" And that is just what she did.

As I put a little make up on my daughter it dawned on me that I too find myself regularly doing things "because I want to be beautiful" and I forget that the beauty I have cannot come in a bottle, compact, jar, bottle, pill, food packet, gym, needle, wax, whitener, etc and more importantly that I don't WANT it to come from there! My beauty comes from the inside and shines through when I BELIEVE in it! It is always there because it was created into me, just as it was created into my daughter, and it is up to me to show it off.

For a long time, perhaps even up to this very moment, I figured my "beauty" would make a grand appearance when I lost weight. The the "pretty me" is buried under the layers. And on days that losing weight just feels too hard or too far away before I will lose enough to matter....on those days I don't allow myself to feel pretty. On those days I believe the lie that my beauty is held captive by a size and diet is my "make up," my way of getting to be beautiful.

"No my love, you ARE beautiful. You are beautiful on the inside and the outside and just the way you are!"