Self- sabotage.
For as long as I can remember whenever I began to do something well or feel good about it inevitably I would begin to do things to undo that success, little by little until I would notice what I had done, or rather undone, and by that point I simply told myself "I just don't want or need it I guess."
It really is a viscous circle....strive for success....begin to succeed....undo the hard work....feel guilt....strive to succeed again, all the while fighting the mental battle of feeling I don't deserve or am not good enough for what I am striving for.
This morning I wasn't feeling so well and was feeling a bit of a pity party full of excuses for guests when I realized what was happening...I was self-sabotaging myself again!
NO! Not again!
So I had myself a conversation with myself
"This time I see you self-sabotage and I am NOT letting you get the best of me and undoing what I have done yet again! I am ALLOWED to succeed! I am allowed to be happy! I am allowed to be good and even better! I am allowed to live this journey, lose weight and get healthy and I am so DONE with you stopping me! You can take your wrenches and other tools of undoing and just GO AWAY! Far away! In fact why don't you just cease to exist!"
And I visualized my version of self-sabotage simply turning to dust and fading away to nothing and as it faded my heart simply felt happier.
Is it a permanent fix? No. However, for today it is a good and attentive choice that I am happy with and that gives me one more step to being free to who I am meant to be.
Be warned self-sabotage I am on the lookout for you and you are no longer welcome! I am on my journey to be the best, truest, happiest me I am meant to be and I mean to make it this time!
