Recently there came a point when I realized I wasn't just "big" or "fluffy" or "heavy"....I was FAT. Plain old F-A-T and life as I knew it was no longer easy, in fact it was mostly impossible. Heck it IS mostly impossible as I am STILL fat. And in this moment of reality I decided I wanted to share my stories, struggles and challenges of being a fat person in a world for non-fat people, and in truth I hope it will maybe help someone even if the only person is me. So here it is, this blog.
And this is me:
- I am roughly 350 pounds and only 29 years old.
- I can't see my feet if I stand up straight.
- My body aches all the time.
- Standing up is difficult enough I actually think twice before doing it.
- Vacuuming my house leaves me winded.
- Playing with my kids is a spectators sport.
- I barely fit in a port-o-potty.
- I don't fit in most bathroom stalls (at least not comfortably)
- I need an extension seatbelt and an extra half a seat on an airplane.
- I can't ride most rides.
- I have to sit down to put on my pants.
- I don't fit in booths at restuarants.
- I don't untie my shoes because it is hard to put them on and tie them.
- I can only shop in plus size stores.
- Most shirts with sleeves are uncomfortable or don't fit.
- I've come to believe all I've got is my humor and wit.
- When I go out with friends I feel like a bouncer or speactacle and not like a beautiful woman.
- I still have people gesture and comment about me as I pass- and it hurts- still.
- I use humor to hide the fact that my weight shames me.
- I have to come believe that until I am skinny I am of no worth (although I struggle to change this thought.)
- There are days I hate being me.
I am fat and it hurts and it is difficult.....BUT.......I also know, after years of struggling, that the ability to change me can be done by one person....ME....and that is my goal and that is where this blog begins.
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