I went out Saturday night with the girls. We were celebrating so I got all dolled up and in my opinion looked pretty darn good (thanks sis for helping). And although I have been working on dieting and exercising I allowed myself this "free day," in fact I planned for it- so the food was good and the drinks were flowing and I was feeling happy and having a blast dancing up a storm. And then later in the night some girl on the floor pushed right through me. OK not some girl- some SKINNY girl- and her little groupie and they thought nothing of pushing me out of the way or repeatedly bumping into me- including one ding dong who knocked me in the head three times with his elbows since he felt the need to jump. (Really it is a super crowded dance floor and you are jumping??)
Truth be told, the moment came and the moment went and being that it was so crowded it wasn't a huge deal, but in hindsight it DID make me think- when you are a chunky dunker people treat you different, look at you different. They may not mean to, may not even know they are doing it, but it DOES happen. TV shows have used it as a plot line, movies have been made, studies have been performed....and it all revolves around how plus-sized people are looked at as (ironically) less of a person for being fat.
I, like many if not all others who are overweight, have experienced this unkindness and I'll even call it prejudice. Snickers, comments, sighs, harumphs and eye rolls. Treatment and words that say I'm not a person worth making an effort for or I'm an inconvenience and labels and accusations are pasted onto me- ugly, lazy, quitter, failure, stupid, ill or sickly, disgusting, etc. I must not be a good lover (how could I be, right?). I must have no self esteem or self worth to do this to myself. I am a "poor thing" who should be pitied. I live off fast food and junk. I have a fat family and fat lazy children.
I think perhaps those with prejudice against this plus-sized girl simply because I am fat need a little eye opening.
I may not be societies version of pretty, but I am BEAUTIFUL because I choose to be pretty for the long haul by being a beautiful person on the inside with a good heart.
I may struggle to get moving, won't lie it hurts and who likes pain, but I will move when it counts. I am able to.
Do NOT call me a quitter or a failure. I have tried and failed, but tried again more than you may EVER know. Life is full of trying and failing....it is called LEARNING. Getting skinny happens to be a lesson that is tough for me to learn.
My weight is not an indicator of my intelligence. My intelligence is an indicator of my intelligence.
My weight is not an indicator of how good a lover I am. My happy husband is an indicator of how good a lover I am.
Fat people can be good parents too.
I do not need pity, but I welcome encouragement.
I did not sit down one day and decide to make myself fat. I traveled the path of life and kept too many mementos.
My self esteem and my self worth are not given to me by my pants size or by society, it was given to me by the God I believe in and although I struggle to see it sometimes it is greater than even you can imagine.
You can comment and snicker all you want, but you need to know that you aren't talking about me, not really, because I am not the fat person shell you are making fun of, but I am the intelligent, good-hearted, beautiful, loving wife, mother and friend that you can't seem to see.
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