I absolutely LOVED this moment and how I felt being in the middle of this accomplishment.....and now I wonder.....what happened?
How did I let this moment slide into my past? How do I not have MORE of these moments? How have I not accomplished more to be HAPPY? How, kind of like this blog, have I let time slip through my fingers and let my happy become a memory instead of active part of my life?
It has been a long time, too long of a time since I have taken some time, rather MADE some time, to do what makes ME happy.
I could list all kinds of reasons, aka excuses, but the truth is I allowed my focus to shift in another direction. Not all my reasons for changing focus were bad and some were even bigger than even I could control, but all the time I held the ability to do what makes me happy and yet I didn't always choose to do those things. So here I am all this time later looking back at my kick-ass smiling self and wondering "where did she go?"
Well?
She didn't GO anywhere, she changed, she adapted and she grew. And I am going to allow myself to say she changed for the better! My happy self is still my happy ME, then and now! Yes, I did let time slip by and allowed myself to lose track of getting active, healthy and fit physically, but in the meantime I went on a detour of discovering who I was on the INSIDE and discovered that the power of believing in yourself absolutely radiates from the inside out and can cause amazing changes!
I took some time to re-discover the amazing, happy me that is more than my physical, but my goddess inside. Yes, goddess. For a long time I struggled to say that....goddess. Who am I to believe that about myself? Truth is I am a goddess in my own way and an amazingly, strong, beautiful and capable one at that! When I allowed myself to acknowledge this goddess spirit inside there was a strength that began to grow from the inside and it radiated outward and gave me the motivation and the inspiration to not just do, but BE what made me happy. To be ME. To be the me, not just that I wanted to be or wished I could be, but the me that I have ALWAYS been capable of being, but did not allow myself to be.
My inner goddess reminded me that I am smart....smarter than I have ever given myself credit for.
She reminded me I am stronger......stronger than I would allow myself to be.
She reminded me I am capable.....more capable than I imagined.
She reminded me I am talented......in a variety of ways.
She reminded me that I am allowed to be happy.......truly happy, for myself, with no regrets.
And as this goddess fire took flame she re-kindled my long forgotten desire.....to be true to me and to be happy...no regrets, no shame and fully passionate!
So here I am.....regrets behind me.....possibility in front of me......and a burning goddess fire ready to flame into awesomeness!
Where will this fire take me? Well from what I know of fire....it loves to go up, so UP it shall be!
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