Inspiration vs Motivatoin

I am STUCK. Been stuck. Wheels turn, but movement does not happen. Why? Well perhaps I need a moment of self examination.

Physically: I am still fat. Weight loss is at a stand still and if I am honest with myself I have gained back weight. One flight of stairs winds me and I ache all over. 

Logically: I want to lose weight for many reasons. I have the know how and I have been making changes, but only in small bits, not full commitments. 

Mentally: I see my goals, but I am drained of thinking and talking diet with no action and progress. Again, I want to do better, but I'm not. I remind myself I have good goals and I can do what I put my mind to, but these thoughts seem to lack luster. 

Emotionally: I am drained and don't believe in me anymore. I have the positive affirmations floating around in my head, but I don't believe them anymore. I am feeling more hate toward myself and less love. When I look in the mirror I see very little positive on the inside and outside. 

In summary: I am at odds with myself, caught in battle between body, mind and heart. I know what I want, how to do it, but I don't feel a desire to try anymore. 

About a year ago I shared that I have a big and exciting goal to focus on- Disneyland with my children in November. Here I am at the half way point with NO movement. NONE. How is that possible? Am I excited about the goal? Yes, I am, but apparently not enough. How is such a personally important goal NOT inspirational enough? Well it IS inspirational, but it is not MOTIVATION. 

I have discovered this bit of reality:

Inspiration is what gives us focus, the desire to do.

Motivation is what gives us drive to do. 

They are not one in the same!

One can be inspired, but not motivated. Inspiration gives motivation direction but not drive. Great inspiration with no motivation, no action, remain merely dreams. How many great things are buried in the "should have" grave site I wonder.  

That Which I Should Have Done and Did Not Do That which I should have done and did not do, lies behind a door to mourn
They cry in pity for themselves for they were never born
They in foolish emptiness were quickly tossed aside
And their chance to be fulfilled was infinitely denied
 The home to all these “should have” souls is locked behind a door
Here they dwindle quietly, to be no more
At one time it was a place of goals and dreams and deep desires
It had been richly created and carefully designed, a wonder to admire
 But now its beauty is long lost beneath the filth and age of time
All the wonders that could have been are no longer mine
Behind the door so many lost hopes push and bend the frame
Their lonesome misery burns inside, it is the fire of my shame
 I’ve come to visit this gloomy grave which I in foolishness have filled
And grieve longingly at that which has been forever sealed
My heart aches and I reach out, perhaps to free that which I should have done
But alas the door is locked and will open to no one
 On the door I lay a wreath of flowers, tied gently with a ribbon
From my eyes fall tears of sorrow that are genuine
Slowly I turn and walk quick away
Never to return to this burden of decay
 At last I’ve learned a lesson true
I regret all I should have done and did not do
-SJ-

I do not want this Disneyland trip to be buried as a "should have" that I regret. I have strong inspiration, so what about motivation?

What IS motivation? I think motivation is something small that builds on itself and grows in strength once in motion, like a sci-fi character that absorbs the strengths of every creature it defeats. It always exists inside, just waiting to be utilized, anxious to stretch its legs and grow.

How does one build motivation for themselves? Do I just dig deep? Do I just start? Can it be done alone? I don't know, however, I do know I am not alone. And I do know I have moved forward with motivation before so it can be done again. I remember the positive feeling, it was a struggle at first, but as it grew I felt amazing. I want that again. It can be done again. I can do it again.

Inspiration- check.
Motivation- almost check.