Food-aholic

Addiction:

–noun

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming...

 

I recently came face to face with the realization that I am ADDICTED to food. I don't just like it or want it- I am addicted to it. Some would think that seeing myself over 300 pounds would make that a big "duh" for me- but that isn't so. I know that I really LIKE food- yeah can't lie on that one- but I never would have labeled it an addiction till recently. It was not till I was watching a documentary on t.v. that realization fell on me like giant tree falling on my head. This was no sudden awareness like a warm light or even a gentle 2 by 4 to the back of the head- this was a giant WHAM- hellloooo- do you hear that, that is YOU!!! You act like that, you've said those words- you think of food the same way!! Oh heck no you have GOT to be kidding me. Oh crap.....it's true.....eeewwwww!!! 

 

"Enslaved to a habit..."  I am a slave to my food. I am allowing it to control me because I don't want to give it up or be told how to eat it- smaller portions, less carbs, better choices, etc..but WHY??? I don't know. I don't know at what point food became so important to me that I actually feel I need to protect it and not let anyone take it from me or my control of how I eat it in my life. How many times have I skipped over or chosen not to do something good for me because it would interfere with my food addiction? How many times have I fallen back into my habit undoing hard work because my addiction was stronger than my will power? And now that I know I am addicted to food what am I going to DO about it?

In my mind I know that I have to break this addiction. I have to not just be but WANT to be in control of my mind and body and that includes taking this addiction head on and not letting it control me anymore. And it is scary to say I am feeling frustrated, angry and even sad and scared of the idea of letting my food go. (what??? really???) Angry about not getting my donut or bowl of rice? Yes angry because in my food addicted mind it is MY donut, My rice and it is not yours to take away.......and that mentality is so very, very wrong. 

Food is a tool for me to live, to survive and it is not someTHING that should have control over me. And now that I see it head on I have to fight it. And it is going to be a fight- you have no idea the power a donut has (tricky little devils)- but in all seriousness that donut really does hold a lot of power over me right now. I have allowed it to become my excuse and my crutch and my comfort and silly as it may sound it is going to be difficult to kick its butt. 

 

The first step in beating an addiction is admitting you have a problem and today I have done that! I don't know what the other steps are, but I can say this- now that it is front and center in my mind it, food, has already lost some of its control.